tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-56811402782969896872024-03-12T19:19:09.315-07:00undercurrent museAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-11935846210362672742014-08-23T09:48:00.001-07:002014-08-23T09:48:32.909-07:00Building a lifeI love when I find something I wrote a year, or more, prior and can see the ripple of change the writing has instigated in my life. It's like a stone cast into water. The stone sinks out of sight, but the water has been displaced, causing a wave of movement outward. <br />
<br /><br />
This happened recently. I found a piece I'd written shortly after attending a workshop. Being in the presence of a woman whose writing saved my life twenty plus years ago was like coming home after a very long, difficult journey and finding loved ones gathered with a bountiful meal and a joyful embrace. Her voice, her presence, her dedication to the creative process, and to women especially, nourished and awakened, soothed and celebrated. And though I tried to hold onto this energy, it faded, as all things do when not constantly fed.<br />
<br /><br />
<em>Or so I thought.</em><br />
<br /><br />
At that workshop I made a vow to honor the path of all people, within my reach. To encourage and support internal wisdom of self and others. In the writing after the workshop I spelled out what that looks like for me. And in finding the writing two days ago, I realized much of what I wrote has come to pass or is currently in the works. Even more so, it gave me direction when I was feeling a little lost this week.<br />
<br /><br />
Ripples!<br />
<br /><br />
The prompt for this writing was: If I could live the life I want, how would I live?<br />
<br /><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">If I were to live my life the way I want to, I would get up
in the morning and ease into my day (most days).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would either go to the gym or run or swim
each morning.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then I would have
breakfast and do some writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would
write about living soulfully, giving generously, offering your gifts and
talents and service with a whole heart, because that is all there is really.</span><br />
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Originally, September 30,
2013, the rest of these statements read “I would”, I would write…<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Today is August 21, 2014, almost a year after
the original writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It occurs to me,
these are the steps to creating my new life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I have changed the “I woulds” to current tense, I write…and wow!</span></i></div>
<br /><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I write about art and about women and creativity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I write about the birthing process – both art
and babies.</span><br />
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do healing work – of the body and mind and spirit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I teach people how to listen to and care for
their bodies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How to let go of
trauma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How to free the body.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I practice yoga.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I cook and learn new recipes.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I garden and grow vegetables, herbs and flowers to be used
in both the kitchen and the treatment room.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I travel to see my kids and my family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I love them openly and completely. I nurture my relationships.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I travel to Europe, to Italy and France and Spain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I help build beautiful spas around the world, creating
concepts and treatment menus that reflect the area and the culture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I consult with spa directors on building a
healthy spa culture.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I assist new mothers in making choices that support them and
the baby and their family.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I empower
women to be who they are, know what they want, listen to their internal
guidance, and trust they know the way.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I teach young women the feminine process, the creative
process.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I empower them to follow their
own true path, even when it appears foolish to their family, or friends, or to
themselves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I am the medicine woman for
my people – the scar clan, the women who face struggle and keep going.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Who love their art so passionately they will
do it in small spaces and behind closed doors.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They will give voice to the child spirit who sings with innocence, loves
with abandon, and rests in the bosom of the soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not let others tell me I am not enough.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not settle for places that make me
small.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I give voice to the power of the
True and wondrous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Shout from the
rooftops that Creator is alive and well in me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I walk humbly and easily among wealth and poverty, for I am not afraid
to shine my light where I am needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I write about women who matter, men who matter, children who
matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I sit with the pain of loss, of
fear, and of exhaustion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I reach out and
hold the hand of those who think they can go no further.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I bring hope and love to the lost, to the
dying, to the fearful.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I do not look back on my life as a failure, but as a
journey that took me through addiction, recovery, lessons, joys, awakenings,
challenges.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I use the pain of my story
to sit with others in similar pain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
rejoice with the celebrations of living, of getting up to do one more day,
hoping one more hope, praying one more prayer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I am confident with my family, for I know the young ones watch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They pay attention, they know.</span></div>
<br /><br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This is how I live my life going forward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Say the truth, live in my soul.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Share wherever I can.</span></div>
<strong>
</strong><br />
<em><strong>If you were to live the life you want, how would you live?</strong></em><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-55441228759657091382014-07-31T16:02:00.001-07:002014-07-31T16:02:43.263-07:00Making ConnectionA client told me this week, "You seem to know exactly what my body needs. How is that possible?"<br />
<div>
</div>
I told her, "Massage is very much like a dance. I make connection and your body opens to receive. If I am paying attention to your body's response, I will adjust pressure, pace, and focus in sync with you. So we dance, we move, we breathe together." <br />
<div>
</div>
Sometimes, massage is an introduction to the body-mind feedback loop, one in which the therapist plays the part of compassionate facilitator. Through touch, we become aware of our body in a new way, maybe for the first time. We are <em><strong>in</strong></em> our body. <br />
<div>
</div>
So what does that mean, to be in your body?<br />
<div>
</div>
Being in your body means being present in this moment, aware of the space you fill, aware of yourself in relation to your surroundings and to others in your vicinity, and engaged in the current situation. So in the case of my massage client, she was in her body. And she felt the connection.<br />
<div>
</div>
Once you feel this connection in your body, it is difficult to forget. And, like anything else, maintaining the feeling of connectedness takes practice. Some activities to help you maintain connection are:<br />
<ul>
<li>Breath Awareness</li>
<li>Walking barefoot </li>
<li>Yoga</li>
<li>Massage</li>
<li>Dance</li>
</ul>
Really any activity that is performed with your full presence activates the connection in your body. You engage the body-mind feedback loop. And in doing so, you open yourself to personal wisdom, internal guidance, and the opportunity to heal.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
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<div>
</div>
<div>
</div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-62181110700014068872014-07-28T09:00:00.000-07:002014-07-28T09:00:36.432-07:00Body-Mind Feedback Loop<span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif;">We've been exploring how the body offers wisdom, insight, connection. As we become aware of the body's road map, subtle shifts may occur. For instance, we may notice our breath is shallow as we are driving in traffic. Or we may notice we are slouching at the computer. These are examples of the bodymind feedback loop, informing through discomfort, pain, or other sensation. Tuning in, listening, becoming aware, allow us to consciously make changes - relax our shoulders, breathe deeper and slower - which, in turn alleviates the discomfort.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">As a massage therapist, I see the effects of poor posture, repetitive-use discomfort, chronically held tissues, and injuries due to ineffective feedback loops. We are distracted. We "push through the pain." We numb our senses. Our bodies are talking to us and we either don't hear, or we choose not to heed the message. And then we wonder, usually down the road a bit, but sometimes more quickly, why we're hurting.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">I've been discussing physical cues in the bodymind feedback loop. But what about emotional cues? </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Our emotions are responses to stimuli - both external and internal - with psychophysiological, biological, and cognitive components. Emotions influence behaviors and vice verse. Emotions play a part in every experience, with or without our conscious awareness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Much like the body's cues, emotional cues are rich with personal insight. Let's try a simple experiment.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Get comfortable in your chair and take a few deep relaxed breaths. Maybe roll your head gently side to side to relax your shoulders.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Now read the word: H A P P Y.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Say the word H A P P Y aloud and notice any sensation in your body. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Notice any thoughts or memories that appear. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Now breathe a few relaxed breaths. Write down your observations.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">For me, the word H A P P Y, lifts my eyebrows slightly, and raises my cheeks slightly at the corners of my mouth. I have a sense of elevated mood. These are subtle, but definite cues.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">If I take this a step further, I sense warmth in my chest and see the color yellow, like a sunny veranda appear in my mind's eye. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">Emotional cues may fill in some of the picture that our physical cues draw. For example, I am experiencing a tightening in my neck, causing my shoulders to raise towards my ears. When I tune into this area, I am aware of shortened breath, a constriction of air, and slight anxiety. I can be pretty sure that the tension in my neck is related to the constriction of breath, and the anxiety. Now what do I do with this information?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;">My next post will explore pathways of using the bodymind feedback loop to begin healing and to deepen awareness.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-63730360772209098752014-07-08T14:07:00.001-07:002014-07-08T14:07:04.077-07:00Body-Mind: Exploring the Breath
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My previous blog post took you through a brief <strong><em>body-mind
awareness </em></strong>exercise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was an
introduction to a deeper level of perception.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You may have noticed sensation,
pain, shifts in breath, blocks, or any number of thoughts or feelings as you
participated in the exercise.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Try the
same exercise with another area of your body and notice what is similar, what
is different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Perhaps during the time
since you first did the awareness exercise, your awareness of your feet
spontaneously came to mind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is what
happens when we start to look, listen, and observe.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We notice all kinds of things that previously
went unnoticed.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Practicing body-mind awareness helps us “tune in” to our
own experience, to our body, to our thoughts and feelings, and to our relationship
to our surroundings. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It gives internal
knowledge of our own experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is wisdom in its purest sense – knowledge
gained through experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And who better to be the expert of you, than
you?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s take a moment to tune in.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This time, as you breathe in, follow your
breath into your body, into your lungs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does the breath enter through your nose?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Through your mouth?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Both? Is the
exhalation the same?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Breathe in again and notice where your breath goes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How far does the breath go in?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is the pathway open and clear?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or is the air restricted anywhere?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As you exhale, what do you notice?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-indent: 0.5in;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Allow yourself to just observe your breath in, and out
for several cycles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Jot down your observations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Remember to include sensations, thoughts, feelings, memories. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></div>
<br />
<div style="line-height: 200%; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Next week, we’ll explore the use of intention with the body-mind.</span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-48680496850729697692014-06-27T10:42:00.000-07:002014-06-27T10:42:24.692-07:00The Body-Mind: An Introduction
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Our minds are constantly processing, evaluating,
decision-making.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our bodies function,
for the most part, without much conscious thought.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So what happens when we bring our conscious
awareness to the body?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><strong>I’d like to offer a little experiment to explore the concept
of body-mind connection:</strong><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Take a moment to get comfortable in your chair.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Place both feet on the floor and relax your shoulders.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now take three relaxed breaths.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">When I say the word <em><strong>feet,</strong></em> what is the first thought that
comes to mind? You can make a mental note, or jot down notes.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Got it?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Now take three relaxed breaths again.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This time you will bring your awareness into your body and
down into your feet…all the way to the soles of your feet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">You may
want to close your eyes to do this</i>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
do you notice?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What is the
sensation?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stay with it for a few
moments, breathing and “checking-in” with your feet.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Write down your experience.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>How is this different than hearing/reading the word,<em> <strong>feet</strong></em>?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Let’s take it one step further.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
Holding awareness with your feet, stand up and walk around
the room. </div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">What do you notice in your body as you add movement?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Complete the exercise with three relaxed breaths.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></span>Welcome to<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> the <strong>body-mind </strong>- the awareness of a completely personal experience, your internal source of feedback. It includes your whole life's experience in the present moment. And you can access it simply by <em>checking in</em>.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></span><div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09472016554744531656noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5681140278296989687.post-6826394446969959072014-06-23T10:41:00.000-07:002014-06-23T10:42:59.778-07:00Wag the tail<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I started this project in my head on the way to work at a
job that I was desperately ready to leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I had given intent to leave and agreed to stay on while they searched
for my replacement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found this both a
relief and a burden, as what I wanted, no, what I needed, was to find breathing
room, recoup and heal from the wounds of living in a world that demanded more,
more, more while offering little recompense.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">A move to Texas to be with my daughter as she gave birth to
my first grandchild a few short years ago blessed me with a beautiful
experience, one I could not have imagined.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>At the same time, the job that got me there turned out to be a lesson in
humility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And with dwindling savings,
I sought work in the same field, feeling deep down I needed something
different.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I accepted a position in California,
which meant another cross-country move, away from my daughter and my new
grandchild.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Four months in Texas...sounds like a country song.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I moved back to Southern California, closer to a man who had
watched me leave, had been hurt by my departure, but was willing to open himself
once again to our possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My job
was a 65 mile commute – each way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
bravely set out to make this work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was
exhausted within a few short weeks.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We
moved to Irvine so I could take the train.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I would be a train commuter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
worked for a while.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>I was stressed at
work, knowing I had a train to catch.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He
had worked his schedule around my train schedule, so if I missed the train, he
also missed appointments.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then there
were days when I had to drive so I could have my car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Southern California traffic on the 5, with a
border patrol checkpoint hallway home made for a long drive after a long day of
work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I felt my soul being sucked dry and the replacement was anger, bitterness, resentment, and negativity.</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I registered for a workshop with Dr. Clarissa Pinkola Estes in
Colorado.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> I had used her book, "Women Who Run with the Wolves" for years as a reference and bible. The workshop changed me.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was warmed and opened and loved in the
presence of women just like me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Women who
longed for a life of fulfillment and depth and connection.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We sat with this teacher who loves full
throttle, laughs from the belly, and speaks in a voice so clear, so true.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was like coming home, to a home I have only
had glimpses of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Home, a place of rest
and recuperation, safety and healing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
had been so long since I felt that open and free!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My heart pumped this new blood into my veins,
full of possibility.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I say new
blood coursed through me, I mean I felt an urgency and necessity to live
differently, to fulfill a calling deep and dangerous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I left the workshop prepared to forge into
this new life, without knowing what it was or how to get there.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I again put my resume out there, looking for new work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I listened to audio-recordings of Dr. Estes’
other works on my commute to and from work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It kept the energy alive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I just
knew I was moving forward, that something wonderful was coming.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And when it didn’t fall into my lap, I became
bitter again.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I couldn’t keep doing what
I was doing for much longer.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had lost
motivation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And my lack of interest
tainted my environment at work.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
become one of those disengaged, disillusioned people I had seen for years in
jobs they hated, but felt they couldn’t leave because of the responsibility to
family, or financial obligation, or appearance to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Stuck.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">One day my boss called me into his office to discuss my
lackluster performance.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In the midst of
this conversation, he asked me if my heart was still in the game.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I told the
truth.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What a relief!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We agreed that I would stay on while they
looked for my replacement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is probably
the most civilized interaction regarding ending a relationship, work or
otherwise, I’ve ever encountered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">This brings me full circle to why I am sitting here this
morning writing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At the workshop in
September, we did ceremony surrounding forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And in this ceremony, we made a vow to act on this forgiveness.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My vow is <em>to honor the path of all people
within my reach, to encourage listening to internal wisdom and to trust and
listen to my own internal wisdom</em>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is
to this vow I now write.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">My hope is to offer wisdom from walking this path.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I do not have all the answers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have not walked this earth with grace or
dignity at all times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have worked hard
and I have fallen hard.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have gotten up
time and time again, many times with the help of loving family and friends and
teachers, sometimes with the single voice inside that calls deeply and with
clarity. </span></div>
<br />
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I do not have a one-size-fits-all method of healing or a guaranty or a plan
that will spell it all out for you.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What
I have is heart and a desire to help others heal.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I have the ability to sit with your pain and
not run away.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To see and hear the
unlovely and find grace in it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We spend
so much time shoving down or pushing away that which we fear, loathe, or are
ashamed of.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So much time in fact that
some of us live a lifetime in the preservation of face without ever letting
go.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We can’t live fully because our
unruly tail might slip out from beneath our well-pressed skirts.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I say, “wag the tail honey!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>
<div style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"><br /></span></span></div>
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